Dancing Heals All

You have no idea. No matter how bad of a mood I am in, all I need to do is bust up some music and move. I can get rid of any insecurities, any sadness, any anger, any depression. When I dance, I feel like myself. I feel so real, so alive, so... Me. When I dance, I love myself, I gain confidence, and everything around me dissolve into thin air. It's just me, myself, and I. I regain my sane :) No one can give me this feeling, no one would understand. Dancing is my life. I just need a reminder of that every once in awhile. I'll Never stop dancing. Never. Everyone has the one thing they find passion in, I am glad I found mines early. #DancingHealsAll

Mr. Mysterious

You have so much on your mind, yet you play like you do. I can see you are way more deeper than you say you are. You just let others see you from the surface, but like the iceberg that sunk titanic, you're dangerously cold.

I can sense the hurt and the love you once felt, or once had.
Why are you playing these games Mr. Mysterious? with all these different females... Spending all these dirty hot nights. It's not going to fill that empty hole of yours.

You're such a mystery, and I don't want to be caught up in it. But the way I see through you is so intriguing.



Hah.

I'm Scared I've Lost It.

I used to be the little girl who was naive and dreamt that fairytales existed. I didn't know what Love was, but I knew it was something big. & then I experienced it, and I thought life was the most beautiful thing. Nothing else mattered, and the fact that I had such a feeling in my heart made me breathless. It was just unbelievable. I never knew I could feel so much for someone, and that scared me to the bottom of my guts. I enjoyed every moment of it even though I knew I was going to get hurt, but I did not care, because I was experiencing one of the most wonderful things ever to be invented by God.

And then I lost it all. & Honestly, the way it all ended just made me question if it was real at all... Did he love me? Did I really love him? Or did I just get attached to him? Did I just get used to having him there?...

Now, I try to look back, and I don't even feel that bittersweetness anymore. I know love has to exist somewhere, but I am not sure how it feels like anymore. I am not even sure if what I had was really love. I hate how it all ended because now all I remember is how big of a burden it all was. It was suffocating, time-consuming, and heartbreaking.

Others, when they talk about their past loves, they have this sparkle in their eyes. I don't have that anymore. Was it even real? What if my next love shows me what I had before was not love at all?

But...

I don't even know if I want that love anymore. I can't feel it anywhere in my heart. I don't remember a bit of it. That feeling has left me, but does that only mean it wasn't real?

Now, I am doing things that lovers do together, but with someone I don't even those strong feelings for. I have no shame and guilt for it all. Instead, it's a release for me. I am away from the "suffocating", "overbearing", "burdening" type of relationship that I remember once having. However, it makes me question where the old me has gone. What happened to all my strong believes about Love?

I used to talk so strongly about it... About Love. I respected Love, gave my all, and expected just as much in return. I know it'll do me good, and that I would be happy. I know I just had to wait for the right guy, and things would fall into place. But at this point, I don't want Love anymore. I just want to enjoy my life, enjoy myself, and learn by making wrong mistakes with the right people, the right mistakes with the wrong people.

I See Potential in Us.

But that's only past all the Lies we lay down.


I see your ambition, your strength. You are caring, and you're a dreamer. You might've had a past, but I don't care. I can grow with you in your present... But only if you knew that.
We are both putting up this image that we don't need. I'm scared of conversation, blame my past, and I don't need to get personal right now.

But if we did, it'd be a beautiful thing.


If only you sat down and got to know me before I made my decision to give up, I would show you the girl you've always been looking for. But I don't want to take it that I've given up because that's a horrible thing to do. It's more like I've put my plans on pause, and I'm just enjoying life.

& Now I am enjoying life with you behind this plastic lie we tell each other.

Some experiences are just worth it.

I do not regret a thing :) & I am glad that I just might have found myself a closer guy-friend here in Riverside. I miss my homies back home soooo much ;( I need them to keep me sane and tell me I'm amazing... hahah! Jaykay but not really. I just really really really miss them though ;(

Paranormal Activities 4 Midnight Premier!

The bomb(: I love how I enjoy scary movies now. Whoo! On that Big Girl Status ;)

& boy, stop playing with my feelings! grrrrr :p

Irritated

PMS.
I HATE WHEN PEOPLE TAKE FOREVER TO REPLY TO A TEXT. FUCK.

:/

Ugh. Hate how I miss you, but what is there to miss? I barely met you!


What can I say, I'm a sucker for guys like you... With soft eyes. Ugh :(

Why am I even letting you get to me?

It was nothing serious, I never had the intent for it to be anyways.

But I DO know why it's effecting me so much. It's because you helped me realize I was finally over him. & hell am I happy about that :) but I hate how you're effecting me already! AUGH.


But on the sweet note, I'm finally ready to let another guy into my life, and if I really messed it up for us... Well then... It's just time for me to focus on school now :p

He walked over to me 3 in the morning just to chill :) cause he wanted to see me. We just sat there talking in the lounge downstairs and we got to know each other a lot more. The conversation just kept flowing... Hehe ^^ I know we met under wrong circumstances and bad impressions, but I'm glad thats fading away.


Good Night!

Obviously does not know how to talk to guys...

Lol I called him a rapist... Then the convo got awkward and I told him goodnight right away. Wtf.

But(: on the good thought. It feels good to hide under the blanket and do nothing but text him. It feels good to wait anxiously for a text. Feels good to care and put time into one single text... I miss those days yaknow? (:

But shit, I think I'm also just intimidated by older guys.. And how I'm a freshman again! Ahhh being new and dont know anything, not the business.

But I was happy to hear from you today :p

If only we met under different circumstances... Things would be a lot better right now. I think I could have really fallen for you... but We really started off wrong! :(

Need to get back on that college school grind...

So not in the mode for school... but it must be done!

Cept how do I do my homework and study when all I hear is banging and moaning from the room next to me... -.-'

but in some sense it's hilarious. Hey, at least it seems as if she's having some bomb sex right? LOL.

The College Life

College just started, and I am already getting worn out! Ahhh. I can't lie, the parties have been fun, but I am partied out already by the first week! The dorm life is really kicking in since everyone else moved in too. The drama, relationships, friendships, ALLAFTHATTT.

I know I'm in for a hell of a ride this year! I can already sense it!

But on the other hand, college should not be all just about fun and games. Nope nopes :) time to get to work! I've had 2 weeks worth of break since summer bridge (oh gosh it seemed like such a long time!) and I am so out of the zone. I need to get back on track and do my shit, cause I am already falling behind! ><' Time to get on my grind girlie, cause this girl work hard play hard!

Nah I'm joking, so done with parties already..