Times like these make me want to blame it on the weed. The crack. The adrenaline. The alcohol.
But I guess staying sober has its consequences.
information booth.
- Doll.
- hello world :) Should I warn you I blog like hell? Bi-polar(bears) babeey <3
Jul 30, 2010
I am so freaken relieved.
SIGH! my gawd, I don't know. lately I been just excluding myself and not acting right. Been letting stuff effect everything I do, but tonight I just had to end all that. It was sad seeing what I was doing to myself, and to others ;x
So. (:
So. (:
Jul 28, 2010
Jul 24, 2010
( )smile back at a cutie (: stranger
I KINDA...???
LOL!
Ohkay so you know how awkward it is when you are walking down the street and like a stranger is coming your way, looking at you as if they were gonn stop and talk to you or ask you something or something? Well its like you dont know if you should ignore that look and keep walking or say hi. And like ohkay so I was walking down the street and then this one old guy was walking my way as if he was confused or lost or something. So I had this awkward "o_O" face on and was like ".... erm hi?" when he opened his mouth about to say something. buh we both kept walking buh he kept looking at me even after he passed me. Like... IT WAS SO AWKWARD.
Haye. I said hi with an awkward smile :D
LOLOLOLOL.
oh i hate those moments, make me feel foolish LOL <3 I love awkward moments.
LOL!
Ohkay so you know how awkward it is when you are walking down the street and like a stranger is coming your way, looking at you as if they were gonn stop and talk to you or ask you something or something? Well its like you dont know if you should ignore that look and keep walking or say hi. And like ohkay so I was walking down the street and then this one old guy was walking my way as if he was confused or lost or something. So I had this awkward "o_O" face on and was like ".... erm hi?" when he opened his mouth about to say something. buh we both kept walking buh he kept looking at me even after he passed me. Like... IT WAS SO AWKWARD.
Haye. I said hi with an awkward smile :D
LOLOLOLOL.
oh i hate those moments, make me feel foolish LOL <3 I love awkward moments.
Jul 23, 2010
I was once again... Reading that post. That post I made that I was too afraid to post up... The "Un-posted" Post.
Wow. I rememeber it all.. Crazy much? I have to be honest with you. Like before, I am again looking for those same feelings I once felt, But I just can't. I mean, its that longing that wants it to come back, and no matter how hard I try, it's just not there anymore. Once somethings gone, its gone. So hun why you still holding on?
No its not holding on, nothings happening. So hunnybee stop tripping. Nothing Is Happening.
No its not holding on, nothings happening. So hunnybee stop tripping. Nothing Is Happening.
I want to work at Starbucks (:
Want a COOKIE with that?
LOL I SAW COOKIEMONSTER ON PBS TODAY! >;D MUAHAHAH.
LOL I SAW COOKIEMONSTER ON PBS TODAY! >;D MUAHAHAH.
"She's gonn go big."
Hah. I know how I'm supposed to wait for someone to realize what I do, or praise me, or whatever. But no, let me get pass that law. I want to appreciate myself for myself before anyone else appreciates me, shoo thats the only way right!?
No lie though, I have to say, I love what I am doing and I really am proud of it all. I just came back from my interview so I am really on a roll. Interviews get me thinking about life because their questions really get me blabbing and it's crazy listening to myself! This summer, I been busy from mon-sun and wow. I really wann go and give some props to myself. Because dam girl you in sophomore year going onto junior and dam you doing things big! Like ohkay seriously, how much other girls have you seen doing this? I got my thang thangs going on. I got my college course on a roll. I am working at 2 paid dancing internships meeting with all these super talented peoples. I am gettin' paid and doing my own thang. I got my education, my career, my interest, and my personal goals all mixed in on my daily days, and I am not gonn waste a second of it. Today during my interview I realized I been through a lot. With the family being dead broke and living check by check. We can barely make the payments. Yeah that never comes to notice since we can handle it so well! (haha... what lies). Peoples never see our struggle because... the way I live? I know, I get checks but I never bother to save, and I guess thats a bad thing. But then at the same time how we struggle to get by, and GETS BY... wow. Listening to my own stories... I realized my moms been a bigg part of my life. Our whole theme in the flyaway productions was about unconventional women, and I have to say, shes my wonderwomen. She's unconventional in all ways, all perspectives that I've never really noticed. Shes been going hard, ever since day one.
In china, shes been working her ass off holding up the family because my dad was a gambler, he didn't bother to work. My mom held the roof for me and my grandma and shoo she kept it going good. My dad did business here and there, but really, where was he my whole childhood?
Once my dad left for America, she's been strong as ever. I mean, come on! YOUR HUSBANDS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD AND YOUR STILL PUTTING UP WIDD ALL THIS BS! She worked her way to things and waited patiently until the day we came to the U.S to once again reunite with my father. My mom? It was crazy hard. She had to transfer from living on a fabulous government paycheck to living by loans. Dam talk about self esteem drop? She bore children and still worked her ass off when her tummy was big. She held up the family like no other. Yeah my dad got the paychecks, but who was the one that decided what goes? Her. My mom. She was wonder women.
She had to bare with all my dads bs, and my... that was a shit load. I have to say, she's stayed strong and she shouldn't have to deal with it all cause she could have found something way better. The way she had to become, got to a point where we had to put on a smile for everyone around us just because of all the crap we owe others.
She held up the family, I dont know how much I have to stress about that. She took care of the house, the work, the kids. And believe me, she took part in daddy's job too. I love how she never really complained about anything. No one ever stopped to thank her, no one ever bothered to keep her in mind cause we were all being selfish bitches taking things for granted. She should have left us a long time ago.
Yeah, I know how asian family's always take the "guy" as the priority. They have the opportunity to pass on their last names and stufff... BS. My mom kept her last name. GO MOM! Oh yeah, she got her own thang thang going on.
Hah Yeah I go off topic a lot. But if anyone bothered to listening in, its just of me going, tracing back into its origin.
I believe my Mom's been there in my life in ways I couldn't imagine. The way she has raised me, I do my own thang thang too. I like to go independent and make my own decisions and I learned not to depend on guys, even though my emotions don't listen in to me on that one! I believe that she's been paving the path for me in ways... Dam. Mama be proud (: because your daughter heres gonn go big. In whatever way, as long as I am doing something I am proud of, its big. No big doesn't have to be a famous celeb, doesn't mean I have to travel around the world making speeches. Not everyone has to know my name. But big, because I am a unconventional women doing her own thing. Making her own decisions. Thinking ahead for herself.
Mama, watch me, cause this girl's gonn be doing her own.
No lie though, I have to say, I love what I am doing and I really am proud of it all. I just came back from my interview so I am really on a roll. Interviews get me thinking about life because their questions really get me blabbing and it's crazy listening to myself! This summer, I been busy from mon-sun and wow. I really wann go and give some props to myself. Because dam girl you in sophomore year going onto junior and dam you doing things big! Like ohkay seriously, how much other girls have you seen doing this? I got my thang thangs going on. I got my college course on a roll. I am working at 2 paid dancing internships meeting with all these super talented peoples. I am gettin' paid and doing my own thang. I got my education, my career, my interest, and my personal goals all mixed in on my daily days, and I am not gonn waste a second of it. Today during my interview I realized I been through a lot. With the family being dead broke and living check by check. We can barely make the payments. Yeah that never comes to notice since we can handle it so well! (haha... what lies). Peoples never see our struggle because... the way I live? I know, I get checks but I never bother to save, and I guess thats a bad thing. But then at the same time how we struggle to get by, and GETS BY... wow. Listening to my own stories... I realized my moms been a bigg part of my life. Our whole theme in the flyaway productions was about unconventional women, and I have to say, shes my wonderwomen. She's unconventional in all ways, all perspectives that I've never really noticed. Shes been going hard, ever since day one.
In china, shes been working her ass off holding up the family because my dad was a gambler, he didn't bother to work. My mom held the roof for me and my grandma and shoo she kept it going good. My dad did business here and there, but really, where was he my whole childhood?
Once my dad left for America, she's been strong as ever. I mean, come on! YOUR HUSBANDS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD AND YOUR STILL PUTTING UP WIDD ALL THIS BS! She worked her way to things and waited patiently until the day we came to the U.S to once again reunite with my father. My mom? It was crazy hard. She had to transfer from living on a fabulous government paycheck to living by loans. Dam talk about self esteem drop? She bore children and still worked her ass off when her tummy was big. She held up the family like no other. Yeah my dad got the paychecks, but who was the one that decided what goes? Her. My mom. She was wonder women.
She had to bare with all my dads bs, and my... that was a shit load. I have to say, she's stayed strong and she shouldn't have to deal with it all cause she could have found something way better. The way she had to become, got to a point where we had to put on a smile for everyone around us just because of all the crap we owe others.
She held up the family, I dont know how much I have to stress about that. She took care of the house, the work, the kids. And believe me, she took part in daddy's job too. I love how she never really complained about anything. No one ever stopped to thank her, no one ever bothered to keep her in mind cause we were all being selfish bitches taking things for granted. She should have left us a long time ago.
Yeah, I know how asian family's always take the "guy" as the priority. They have the opportunity to pass on their last names and stufff... BS. My mom kept her last name. GO MOM! Oh yeah, she got her own thang thang going on.
Hah Yeah I go off topic a lot. But if anyone bothered to listening in, its just of me going, tracing back into its origin.
I believe my Mom's been there in my life in ways I couldn't imagine. The way she has raised me, I do my own thang thang too. I like to go independent and make my own decisions and I learned not to depend on guys, even though my emotions don't listen in to me on that one! I believe that she's been paving the path for me in ways... Dam. Mama be proud (: because your daughter heres gonn go big. In whatever way, as long as I am doing something I am proud of, its big. No big doesn't have to be a famous celeb, doesn't mean I have to travel around the world making speeches. Not everyone has to know my name. But big, because I am a unconventional women doing her own thing. Making her own decisions. Thinking ahead for herself.
Mama, watch me, cause this girl's gonn be doing her own.
Jul 22, 2010
I really hate that "he said she said" crap though. So why don't YOU do that YOURSELF. and I do my own thang? (: Yeah? Sound good?
Lifes a bitch. Suck it up, I am trying to say this with love (: HA.
Jul 20, 2010
Hey Stanley (:
I am proud of you. I know you may never ever read this post, but I really am. Heh. I am happy for you in every way, because I know how hard I scarred you, how badly I made you feel... How deep you fell. But then haha, boy you fall easily ;p justplayingfoo (: Smile, you deserve it (:
Jul 18, 2010
Jul 17, 2010
What the fuck am I doing to Myself?
Nah... Can't do all that talking cause baby are you up for the consequences? It sure ain't anything nice about it, so girl better think twice..
Chew that gummy bear >.>'
Chew that gummy bear >.>'
Jul 15, 2010
I try humming or dancing the scary-ness away
because, Seriously, it just doesn't happen. Who's ever seen a monster attacking someone who is crazily dancing in her own world? IT JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN! The Grudge just DOESNT come attacking someone who is swinging her head around dancing to Justin Bieber!
I don't know, lets just smile
or fuck myself up by trying to bring back the past bad memories. Wtf. I seem to do this... A lot. When I am happy or smiling, I always "look" for something "intentionally" to eff it up. REALLY?! REALLY NOW WENXI?!
Jul 10, 2010
Jul 9, 2010
Just Friends(:
AHHH. I am soo happy about this, so relieved, LOL. To Be Honest, I think the overall experience was nice & I loved how we are dealing with it. I wouldn't have wanted this experience with anyone else(:
&& don't worry babygirl, ima be able to tell ya everything soon. Haha. Stiffen up that upper lip little soldier!
&& don't worry babygirl, ima be able to tell ya everything soon. Haha. Stiffen up that upper lip little soldier!
I ain't even gonn try and trip over you and your online drama
fuck.
Stop accusing shit, I swear. Not everything is the way you think it is. It aint just for YOU. its for EVERYONE that could be effected, we are trying to be "mature" about this, so why can't you?
Stop accusing shit, I swear. Not everything is the way you think it is. It aint just for YOU. its for EVERYONE that could be effected, we are trying to be "mature" about this, so why can't you?
Don't come asking for it
if you gonn be all bs about it. Seriously, get a grip. Girl you can pick yourself up, but not if you gonn come asking for a smackdown every single fucking time.
I refuse to tell you any further, not until you know how to handle it instead of fucking yourself over it.
I refuse to tell you any further, not until you know how to handle it instead of fucking yourself over it.
Jul 8, 2010
Its hard...
But its for the best. (:
Wow, I really have to say, today was so unreal. Who would have thought, through all that, we would come to THIS? Its been one year now, and the outcome is still... Hmmph. Its for the best (: and I feel so grown up for being able to make that decision, or well make that decision together. Its for the best thought, for the best... But then why's it like this now? It don't make sense, not at all. Because, really, what else you want from us!? ...
I told you, I don't trust myself with this, I really dont. Yeah, thats not good! Today gave me a lot of memories, because it felt like I was doing it all over again, doing what I did to him, to you. Cept like I said, its different. We are under different circumstances, and we are at different times now. I saw the same look he had, cept in your eyes. That made me want to cry, because seeing HIS status just the other night, WOW. Who say there wasn't any regrets? There is, but then thats just because I haven't looked at it as a whole picture yet... Theres always a brighter side (:
Yeah, its real hard. I wish she'd understand, and perhaps spare us some guilt. What happened to "Love is not a decision, its a feeling"? Oh wait, tahts just me huh.
I know you won't talk to us right now, and I know you are going through hard times. I wish it was better for you... For us all yeah? Cutting yourself away from us won't do any good, that's just doing what we don't want to see happen, we don't want to see the group seperate, and thats why we made this decision, but now it feels as if this decision was for no use...
Amy, stop it. Its not the end of the world. Ima respect you and give you time, but amy, come back quickly, I am waiting for you;;
Wow, I really have to say, today was so unreal. Who would have thought, through all that, we would come to THIS? Its been one year now, and the outcome is still... Hmmph. Its for the best (: and I feel so grown up for being able to make that decision, or well make that decision together. Its for the best thought, for the best... But then why's it like this now? It don't make sense, not at all. Because, really, what else you want from us!? ...
I told you, I don't trust myself with this, I really dont. Yeah, thats not good! Today gave me a lot of memories, because it felt like I was doing it all over again, doing what I did to him, to you. Cept like I said, its different. We are under different circumstances, and we are at different times now. I saw the same look he had, cept in your eyes. That made me want to cry, because seeing HIS status just the other night, WOW. Who say there wasn't any regrets? There is, but then thats just because I haven't looked at it as a whole picture yet... Theres always a brighter side (:
Yeah, its real hard. I wish she'd understand, and perhaps spare us some guilt. What happened to "Love is not a decision, its a feeling"? Oh wait, tahts just me huh.
I know you won't talk to us right now, and I know you are going through hard times. I wish it was better for you... For us all yeah? Cutting yourself away from us won't do any good, that's just doing what we don't want to see happen, we don't want to see the group seperate, and thats why we made this decision, but now it feels as if this decision was for no use...
Amy, stop it. Its not the end of the world. Ima respect you and give you time, but amy, come back quickly, I am waiting for you;;
Jul 7, 2010
Jul 4, 2010
Jul 2, 2010
"Highlight"
Virginia. I may be bluffing now, but I think I just made her little life that much happier. I can see it in her eyes. She's at kid at the boys & girls club that has a skin decease. Her skin is in really really bad condition, her forehead is filled with white flakes and her hand or any other part of her body looks like its in really bad condition... Skin condition. I feel so bad for her because she seems to stay away from the other kids... Maybe because those other kids stay away from her too. I was helping her with her packet, her word search, and the little girl next to us said "wenxi! be careful dont touch her hand because one time I touched her hand and it started itching!" and Virginia didn't say anything... as if it was a normal remark towards her... I felt so bad. I even bumped into her hand a few times on purpose to show her I was not afraid. She's such a poor cutie, I wish she had better. Just by me helping her, she had a smile on her face. When her mommy came to pick her up, she ran toward me and said "hey! come here! I have something so show you!" and introduced me to her mommy. She told me she was going home. She had such a smile on her face...
GMH
Really, I can't imagine a little kid like her going through that. I mean, I've been through similliar stuff... with my leopard prints. Oh believe me, I hated it so much when I was smaller. I wanted mama to get rid of it and I would just... get teased about it a lot and some peoples would not be my friend because of it... I hated those times... Me looking back, wow. And now I am seeing a girl that is going through the same thing, and even worse! No one is brave enough to go near her because how her skin looks... Hearing all those other kids say stuff like that about her.... Wow. I wish I could go be with her more. Knowing that I might be her first friend there at the boys & girls made me want to cry... She was so happy.
GMH
Really, I can't imagine a little kid like her going through that. I mean, I've been through similliar stuff... with my leopard prints. Oh believe me, I hated it so much when I was smaller. I wanted mama to get rid of it and I would just... get teased about it a lot and some peoples would not be my friend because of it... I hated those times... Me looking back, wow. And now I am seeing a girl that is going through the same thing, and even worse! No one is brave enough to go near her because how her skin looks... Hearing all those other kids say stuff like that about her.... Wow. I wish I could go be with her more. Knowing that I might be her first friend there at the boys & girls made me want to cry... She was so happy.
Jul 1, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)