I am a third grade teacher.

Most kids come in with notes or messages written by their mothers in their lunch sacks.

One little girl's dad left, and her mother abuses drugs. But her 12 year old brother never fails to write "I love you" on her brown paper bag.

He GMH.

Dear Parents: Fuck You.

So.... I have had 5 performances just this month... 5 yeah? && My parents hasnt shown up to any of them. and at home they yell at me yelling at me saying I am always running around the streets, doing bullcrap. Well if only they would give a dam, if they would come and see this shit. I am so fucking tired.


So I got a 3.71 this semester. && guess what? THey didn't bother saying good job. Instead it went something like this.

Mom: Look at wenxi's report card. come take a look. Come.
Dad: huh? I bet she did a bad job
Mom: She fucken missed 8 classes. (Keep in mind I have 7 classes each day. So If I miss a day, I miss 7 classes ALREADY).
Dad: This fucking bitch. I knew it. She aint the learning material.


&& you know what they used to say?
They said I aint shit, that I am not the learning material, taht they doubt I will get any A's on my report card and if I did they would cut off their head for me to sit (some kind of dumb fucking chinese saying).
&& they said I will get paid for my A's.
Fuck you. You never live up to shit you say. both of you. I dont believe you guys at all. Fuck role models. You guys aint shit. I am trying so dam hard here, to put this dam family together. But how am I supposed to do this all by myself when you guys are saying those shit?

I don't recall you ever saying Good Job for anything. All the crap I do, you guys keep questioning what I do... I want to show you guys. But do you guys ever come see me? No. Never.

All you guys do is doubt me. Fuck up my head. & kill my imagination. The shit I do, you say you dont know how to appreciate it. Then you criticize it and talk crap. Like my play, because it was about homosexuality &... just because of your "religion" you refused to come see my hard work. The one thing I gave up so much for... Work, time, money, relationship, fuck. Dragon boat too. && my work. The fuck.

&& the time I suggested to have a family good-friday, because we never even seem to eat at the same table... Never together. We never have time for each other. && what did dad do? He goes and fucks it up, he offers to work on that day when someone called him up. Mama said we would have another chance... We didnt. Tomorrow I have a college sucess crap I have to attend. && its MY FUTURE. I have told him 2 weeks before, and guess what? Today he offered to work at the same time the appointment/interview is held. Thanks. Really. Thanks for being there for me throughout my life, my past, and my future. You guys are the bomb.

Ohgee. I love black and yellow caution tapes.

"A guy I knew in high school would bring two dozen roses to school every Valentines Day.

He would give one rose to each girl he knew that didn't have a valentine. He felt that every girl deserved to feel special. I was one of those girls.

We've been married 3 years.

Stand up guys in a world of flakes GMH."

There goes my new To-Do. I am going to do that next valentines day, I will bring 2 dozen roses and pass it out to anyone without a valentine. (:

"Never Under-Estimate the Power of Denial"

A quote off of American Beauty. A nice movie btw ;3

When I first heard of that quote, I thought it was lame. I thought it was plain, I didn't see a deeper side to it. I thought it meant that even if something happened, as long as you deny it, you can make some kind of "truth".

But then later I realized what it really meant. Denial... Everyone lives in denial. I know I do. I live in denial of denial of denial.

Go figure...

ARIZONAAA ;(

i miss you oh so much.

Do you know the taste of memory? The smell. The feeling... Yes the feeling of memory. Its the best thing. Theres a different scent, smell, taste, color, and feeling to every single memory of your life.

Looking back, there is no such thing like it.
I miss you guys, everyone, the warm sun, ohmy. I am so cold. I miss, my no life self. haha. The one that would be walking around the late streets of Trailside, just chilling. Feeling so GANSTUHH >;D
the one taht wanted to steal the sewer plate and hang it in my room... The one that said pheonix arizona. HAHA. the one that would run away to the park at night, stay there until 3 in the morning, falling asleep to the warm breeze. Right next to the weird hissing sounds, the crickets, the fear of crawling creatures next to me...
The one who would pretend shes so tough, needs to be tough, because she felt so offended at times, because she was asian.
AWH.


the one who felt like she grown so much. that her past was a pity. that her future is a dream. and her present is a gift.


oh haye im poetic :)

I think I write the same things over and over and over and over again and again and again ;x

I must be very boring, sorry to those who actually reads my blogs.

want to skip school and go to the beach for the day, & ima take you along with me. Yes I will kidnap you from school. We can run off into the sunsets :)

Heh run away from this bullshitness.
For one day, we can go to a place, and call it our owns. We can get a key and carve our names onto a piece of wood, and get caught by the police. HAH
Then we would get chased, while running off onto the beach. I would be in a white sundress, and you would be in.. in a white button-down shirt with shorts, like in the music videos. I would be holding my yellow flip flops, and you would take off your shirt and let it ride in the wind.
haha`

I am in like with you, no matter what there is. I don't have to give up. Boy, don't think I am looking for a relationship, I am looking for friendship. We can have playdates & tea parties &
you can give me a bear (: & I will give you a dozen roses.
Hehehe.




I have a thing for buying stuff for guys, I think its so cute. The only good thing I see in having a boyfriend right now is so I can go and buy them stuff. LOL!


<3

PUURRR~~

haha i cant purr. its too complicated. june only you can do it. you creep, sexy beast (: haha.
so, i guess... i saw. yeah i saw. i jump to conclusions... 
damali is slapping me ;( ima cry.
hahaha.


im here. at her house. i dont want to go home. nah i should tho... cuhs parents been calling. but dam. idaky.. i been doing stoopid things lately.
not here. just... personally.
i miss you ;( and i keep wondering what would have happened if... i gave it a chance. or, nah. WE gave it a chance. i keep wondering what would have happened if i said yes.... last time. i know i am scared. i really am. && like damali said, i can't really blame anyone. but then.... man. i always do this right? hehe..... no not hehe. i miss you :(


today hartzog reminded me how.... :( and then i got sad. i miss those days because it seemed like we had something those days. i guess.
man
fml.
gtfo.


byebye~

&& im such a rebel.

you want me to do it. we argue about it. fuck it you already know i aint gonn do it no more until 5 hours later. i just cant bring myself to doing it cuhs i would end up punching something -.-



& i hate how I am doing that. HUMBLE BOO. BE HUMLE -.-'

ZDFASDFASDF.

I hate how this is the only reason that makes us argue. UGGH. I hate how she never listens when I tell her I got shit to do. CUHS MAYBE I REALLY DO. Just cuhs its not chores or whatever, if its not something she knows how to do. Its as if its not even in her dictionary, that theres no such thing as "doing" whatever it is. && She expects me to be able to do every fucking shit. I AM doing every fucking shit. & those things take up fucking time too. so stfu. its not only you that got shit to do. others got shit to do too.


wow that didnt make sense.
ah.
fuck it.
im just mad. we kept it good for awhile. and it just gets me mad how im messing it up every time. UGH. IM SO TIRED. FUCK FUCK FUCK

I dont care. Foo i aint there to babysit you. just cuhs of those two weeks n now... Sorry, buh stop acting like a little girl. i care, buh its getting annoying.

Before I thought I was wasting my time, having no life. Doing nothing with it. I wasnt fulfilled...

& now I am doing everything, with no time to spare. && still, I feel like I have no life. Or at least, no time to live. So what is all this for?



I feel like I am lying to myself, sigh. I need a vacation. Take time off, and run away. Take the greyhound and visit the homegirls. I really need the suburbs right now. I miss the days when I would ahve no where to go, because theres nothing to do within miles. I would be at reenas house sitting on the couch watching tv. Eating her sandwiches ;3 and just having fun, dancing around, singing, laughing, doing the chillest things.

(:

Yeah I Knew.

course I did....

Your such a sweetiepie though, awh. You can make me smile anyday.

hehe
&& wow. It hit me so hard today, that.
Hmmm.
Goodnight.
Sweetdreams (:

I swallowed gum today

the first time in a long time.

I heard it takes 7 years to come out the other side ;x
uhoh.


It felt so nasty though, like it was stuck in my throat. I wanted to reach down there and pull it back out.

This blog is still so unsafe

when would i be able to write freely again?




ewh.


I havnt fulfilled any of my "to-dos" recently. Oh fail.

Hah. ayaiaiaiaia. wenxi, the things you do. who you think you are? hahahaha.

(:

Looking Back

a lots changed. haha I guess I am always aware of this, and I am always embracing/complaining about it. I mean... Wow. I feel like I am a ignorant stoopid little teenager. (: GoodGame. Well played.



I just want to open up like before, wendu I envy you ;( you can open up on your blogs, and thats when it really gets someone thinking you know? When YOU start to think, about life, about you, about others, about just anything and everything. I miss those days.... When I would be able to truthfully say that I "dont want to open up because I don't trust myself with my words". Well Wenxi do you even know the meaning of that anymore?



Sometimes I want to just take time, sit down, and write, keep writing. && not care if it makes sense. That there would not be a "meaning" to anything. Just write. Write about every little thing about every little detail on this earth and in heaven. But haye... In todays world. Its not writing anymore is it? Its more like typing....




I like it when others know what I am talking about. When it doesnt just make sense in my own little head, but in others too. When two peoples synchronize, connect, meet, feel, and touch.
See I dont like to go and explain "DONT THINK NASTY! its supposed to be poetic". See that just makes it lame and stoopid. It puts others down who may be reading it, because I should be expecting more from them [?]. But then in todays world, haha I guess thats what you need to do, or else no one understands. Or do they?


I want to be more than what the eye sees, I want to be the artistic one, the one with hidden talent, the one who has his/her own little world full of fantasies and stories and love poems and.

Now arent we all that someone, at least at one point of life? Hopefully....

Its jus those who treasures it, who wants it so bad, that they take a hold of it and never let go. But those who are scared of that moment, ignorant of that moment, when stupidity and reality does not mix but it somehow does.


what am I saying?
haha.
I hate how I have these moments, then loose it. AYAI.
Here again, a failed post.

Love.

1 Corinthians.
I am practically in love with this verse (: epic. haha.


1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


I am still looking forward to that one day, where love will shine through me. Yes others may think, why are you rushing love? Love happens when it happens. Cept those who think that are only thinking Love in the terms of a Girl-Guy Love-Date relationship. Real love shows from every angle, no matter what kind of relationship. & This I mean by relationship with God, friendship, ownership, companionship, family-relationships, etc. See I am not rushing it if I see "relationship" as much of a broader word. Love is too, course(: && see. I am rushing myself to find that Love, love from family, friends, myself, God, &&more. && I believe that in order to give others Love, you have to first personally receive and acknowledge that Love.

I can honestly put a dollar on it that 75% or more of this world does not know the real in dept meaning of Love.


As Christ’s love grows in us, His love flows from us.

HUMBLE.

but talking shit about my friends, thats over the line.

Nah I aint even gonn try. this is bullshit. I give up. you should have played your part. Im tired.

oh gee so amy

i just read your daily blog and that makes me sound like i wrote my last blog cuhs im jealous
buh hahaha.
course i am >;O WHERE I AM AT FOO!?
hahahaha.
sucker.
i just realized we havnt had a date in awhile ;o
TOMORROW AT THE BLOSSOM FESTIVAL (:

P.S amy;;

I feel like the love I want from you isn't going to me, but to her, & the most suckiest part is that she's very close to me, like I love her as a friend, I really do, she's what I can consider a "best friend", but I wouldn't wanna steal a best friend from someone else, it's just wrong. I love talking & sharing secrets to her, it's like, I can't live a day without talking to her :) To me, me& her are THIS close -crosses fingers-


remember those times? when we would be so... LOL. over the dumbest guy (: haha. && no course he was something special, and I am hating how I can't seem to bring myself back to that moment of innocent love, of when it was so easy for me to become so emotional, so... touched. By it all. I dont know what happened but I cant seem to bring myself to that point anymore... && I miss it. && lately I still feel like, a bitch. Compared to how I was? Wow. its shameful. What the hell am I really doing hopping around like this? I don't know. But hun I miss how close we were, && I wish we could be that close again cuhs at times, I feel like we drifted apart, and that now its you & the homies, not us. I really can't complain though, I have been really really busy. Really.... But I miss those days though ;x I do. I suddenly decided to scroll down on your blogs today, trying to remember those times when we would shed tears for the same guy. hah Seriously, its a shame how I cant even remember it.....

But, you know how we got closer, because of him? && now I guess that cycle between us all, that.. thing. is not there anymore. Now we are all just friends, but then, just because of that, I dont want us to fade away.

:(

&& I do consider one of my closest friends. Really. && yes I don't like to use the word bestfriend, because BEST is only 1. && if i have too many, thats not BEST. you know? && right now, I cant really consider anyone my best friend, because I just don't like putting peoples in ranks. But really, you are one of my closest friends :)

hah & no, nothing really happened. I just scrolled down and read some old memories &&
(:


hun u like my soul sister(:

Uhoh-

Aztea, you were in my dreams last night. thats not a good sign. Uhoh.


haha(:
do you still read my blogs?

Ehhh...

Wah. I want to talk to you so much. For some reason I always want to update you and make you proud. Heh. I want to tell you every little thing...
Cept it seems like you dont want to talk to me anymore ;x




DFASDFASDFADFASDFASDFASDFASDFASDF.

Personal Perspective

Its sad how mines changed, now I can't even cry to these dramas ;x because now I am one of those hypocrites who think all of it is nonsense.
Shit.


I am Nonsense -.-'



NUUU I MISS CRYING TO DRAMAS ;(

Hah so I remember

How... it started as a joke. && then. I fell for ya. && during that time, I was deeply attached to the song "Falling for you" By colbie Colliat. Cuhs I thought it explained so much for how I was feeling for you. Yeah it did. Well hah the chorus did anyways. I guess? Shoot I forgot that song already, uhoh.
I am such a jerk though; but believe I treat you differently. Well it didn't start off like that, but then I tried my best to change and turn it around. Because; I am falling for you... VERY slowly. && I've been ever since the beginning.
Does it really matter how much I like you? All it matters is that I like you, right now, right here. &&-
at times I believe you will be the one to tame me.


But I know I will scare you away.(:


FREAKEN AMY'S SONG. its playing in the background.
Albert Posis- For all time.
haha.
GRRRR talk about the right music.... -.-'
LOL

I seriously thought.... but oh gee who am I kidding.

Itd never happen.
soon it will be goodbyes;;

IceCream&Pizza

Everytime, I find another reason to like you more.

I am proud to say Im in Like with you.

I miss you.

STALKER NINJAS!

haha. got caught texting and mr. hardy read my text out loud. GOODGAME.

it IS cruel & DISGUSTTTINGGGG

so why the fuck do I continue?
.....
"Young girl just want to have funn~~"


Heartless, I know its wrong but I keep doing it, It makes no difference.