UC Riverside #blockparty2012

Nelly brings me back onto memory lane (: all the way back to when I still had my Walkman and tapes haha.

Had a real good night

Some memories never fade..

There are so many times I want to say sorry, but would it make a difference?

I am so sorry for all the things I have said to you... And stuff that I've told others that werent completely true but it seemed true at the moment. I know the way I treated you wasn't fair, and shit if I handled things better it would be different right now. I allowed the situation to get the worst of me, and I'm sorry it affected you... I want you to know I still care, but maybe it's better I stay out of your life and only be there from afar.

Wow how much people I can say this to.... Crazy ain't it?

There's Just Too Much Here..

too much memories. too much "past" held onto everything. Fuck. Hah. I'm surviving but dam, this place really know how to suffocate a girl. Sucks im addicted to that city life, that city scene, that city feel, that place I call Home.

Feels like I never left. As everything was just "yesterday" you know? I don't even feel like I'm coming home, because it feels like I've been here all along.


Late night thoughts. I fucking hate it. Sleep already dummy, freakn night owl!

The fuck are friends for when they don't bother being there for you? Done with fake bitches.

Perfect attracts me, but will never keep me. I have my flaws too. I want to fall in love with the most imperfect person, and wait patiently to discover the perfect in US, together.

Not Quite "Home"

I hate being so homesick. I wonder if others miss me like the way I miss them. It sucks that I'm so far away... Don't get me wrong, I love it here :) I can't lie I am in Love with SoCal ><' Just something about the palm trees and the hot breeze at night but I really do love it here. Regardless, that doesn't change the fact that I still linger for "home". People say home is where the heart is, yet I think I left my heart in San Francisco ;) haha. Just kidding.
I always slip up and call my dorm my home now, but it doesn't change the fact that I miss my own bed at home and waking up to the family. It feels so temporary here, even though it is what it is for the next four years unless I move out to the apartments next year, which still won't change much since I would only be a few blocks away. I miss waking up on my bed at home, the noise of the kids running around the house, the smell of the home-cooked meals that my mom makes... Oh man :( it's been so long since I've had a home cooked meal.
I miss the kids the most I have to say. Those were my babies! They could get real annoying at times, but at the end of the day I still loved them. It's sad how they don't have the tendency to call me everyday, but I get it they are busy. I was never home even when I was home, so maybe they are used to be being gone so much :/ wah. Sometimes I feel like I don't have that family anymore, that it's not the same because I moved out... Pretty much. Wahhh!!! ;( cry more.

I can't wait to go back in 2 weeks. It's going to feel great! I just hope I don't get disappointed again like the last time I came home... :( I want to be loved tooo. I just hope all my girls and my homeboys aren't too busy for me!