"She's gonn go big."

Hah. I know how I'm supposed to wait for someone to realize what I do, or praise me, or whatever. But no, let me get pass that law. I want to appreciate myself for myself before anyone else appreciates me, shoo thats the only way right!?
No lie though, I have to say, I love what I am doing and I really am proud of it all. I just came back from my interview so I am really on a roll. Interviews get me thinking about life because their questions really get me blabbing and it's crazy listening to myself! This summer, I been busy from mon-sun and wow. I really wann go and give some props to myself. Because dam girl you in sophomore year going onto junior and dam you doing things big! Like ohkay seriously, how much other girls have you seen doing this? I got my thang thangs going on. I got my college course on a roll. I am working at 2 paid dancing internships meeting with all these super talented peoples. I am gettin' paid and doing my own thang. I got my education, my career, my interest, and my personal goals all mixed in on my daily days, and I am not gonn waste a second of it. Today during my interview I realized I been through a lot. With the family being dead broke and living check by check. We can barely make the payments. Yeah that never comes to notice since we can handle it so well! (haha... what lies). Peoples never see our struggle because... the way I live? I know, I get checks but I never bother to save, and I guess thats a bad thing. But then at the same time how we struggle to get by, and GETS BY... wow. Listening to my own stories... I realized my moms been a bigg part of my life. Our whole theme in the flyaway productions was about unconventional women, and I have to say, shes my wonderwomen. She's unconventional in all ways, all perspectives that I've never really noticed. Shes been going hard, ever since day one.
In china, shes been working her ass off holding up the family because my dad was a gambler, he didn't bother to work. My mom held the roof for me and my grandma and shoo she kept it going good. My dad did business here and there, but really, where was he my whole childhood?
Once my dad left for America, she's been strong as ever. I mean, come on! YOUR HUSBANDS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD AND YOUR STILL PUTTING UP WIDD ALL THIS BS! She worked her way to things and waited patiently until the day we came to the U.S to once again reunite with my father. My mom? It was crazy hard. She had to transfer from living on a fabulous government paycheck to living by loans. Dam talk about self esteem drop? She bore children and still worked her ass off when her tummy was big. She held up the family like no other. Yeah my dad got the paychecks, but who was the one that decided what goes? Her. My mom. She was wonder women.
She had to bare with all my dads bs, and my... that was a shit load. I have to say, she's stayed strong and she shouldn't have to deal with it all cause she could have found something way better. The way she had to become, got to a point where we had to put on a smile for everyone around us just because of all the crap we owe others.
She held up the family, I dont know how much I have to stress about that. She took care of the house, the work, the kids. And believe me, she took part in daddy's job too. I love how she never really complained about anything. No one ever stopped to thank her, no one ever bothered to keep her in mind cause we were all being selfish bitches taking things for granted. She should have left us a long time ago.
Yeah, I know how asian family's always take the "guy" as the priority. They have the opportunity to pass on their last names and stufff... BS. My mom kept her last name. GO MOM! Oh yeah, she got her own thang thang going on.


Hah Yeah I go off topic a lot. But if anyone bothered to listening in, its just of me going, tracing back into its origin.
I believe my Mom's been there in my life in ways I couldn't imagine. The way she has raised me, I do my own thang thang too. I like to go independent and make my own decisions and I learned not to depend on guys, even though my emotions don't listen in to me on that one! I believe that she's been paving the path for me in ways... Dam. Mama be proud (: because your daughter heres gonn go big. In whatever way, as long as I am doing something I am proud of, its big. No big doesn't have to be a famous celeb, doesn't mean I have to travel around the world making speeches. Not everyone has to know my name. But big, because I am a unconventional women doing her own thing. Making her own decisions. Thinking ahead for herself.
Mama, watch me, cause this girl's gonn be doing her own.