Good Friends Are Hard To Find

I broke down today watching some of Reena's music videos on youtube. I can't lie I have been missing arizona a little too much and it kills me slowly deep down. It's holding me back... Am I using that as an excuse? Everything I do I would somehow end up comparing it to Arizona this Arizona that. I also feel that it is unfair to talk about arizona arizona! arizona! arizona! all the time. Im so sorry.
Its nice for me to break down you know? I do miss it a lot and letting all those feelings out by crying really helps. Because lately all I can think about is how much better my life was in arizona... How my family was closer than ever. How I had some of the best friends. How I felt like I was myself... I was not under any pressure or stereotypes because I had already worked my way through all of that. I was under some of the best things in life and All I can say is... Its been a big change for me you know? Am I being a big baby? haha.. I think I am. I just went through a lot of things and I thought it was one of my best years so far. I have made so much improvement... And well here in san francisco, I can say the years I had here before I moved to Arizona was some of the worst. I always felt like I was under a lot of stereotypes and oh my everyone is.... =x The peoples I've met are real cool but sometimes I feel its not what I am looking for in life. I jsut think that I dont fit sometimes? I don't know. And even after so much better accomplishments in arizona but then suddenly coming back to my old environment... Its weird, just a little. I dont know how to react anymore.
One of the biggest problems for me at the moment is meeting peoples here again. Well I mean yes there are a few friends I have kept slight contact with since I've moved and they are who I hang out with... But then some of the peoples I see are just NOT peoples I kept in contact with, yet I know them! Its so weird because I have left for so long, I have changed, I just wasn't who I was before. I come back here walking around school seeing all these peoples I knew from before (well san francisco is a small place...) and I wont even know if I should say hi or not. I turned so much more outgoing and crazy in arizona but here in san francisco it's so hard for me to act because some peoples just think I am the same old self. At times I so wish I can start ALL OVER from scratch because going back into the past is NO GOOD. Its hard to act any different when EVERYONE expects you to be 'you' or at least what they had thought of you, what you had left them with, they expect you to still be the same person you know? And well... again, its hard.
Where am I going with this? I don't know. I just felt crying and letting it all out, how much I miss arizona, was going to help me let go. I mean well I tried. And tried so hard. I lost contact with a lot of my arizona friends (hah well I did loose my phone and lost their numbers -.-) and I thought not talking to them will be good for me, easier for me to let go. Except it turns out it killed me slowly inside because I forced myself instead of waiting till I was ready.
I think I should take things just a little slower and lead myself through this.

love,
wenxi